Well it's been quite some time since I last blogged and now I really want to get this out. I've had an extremely difficult time the past year and a half with my relationship with Christ. Everyone knows of what we've gone through, but not always what we are going through. Today Pastor John said we are to love those who even do wrong to us and hurt us. "How the heck am I suppose to love a man who killed my cousin?" How do I love someone who has caused ssssssooooooo much pain,agony, and sorrow. Furthermore as result of his mistake, lives no longer live but have evaporated. (I hate seeing people in such pain! My heart goes out to you, I don't know how you do it. I have a hard enough time as it is.)
Over 2000 years ago there was a man who was killed by myself. Meaning my sins nailed him to that tree, and all he's wanted is to share life with me. Yet all of my life at certain times I deny him and rebuke him, and he stilllll is standing there with open arms saying, "Lori, you are forgiven." I can't even measure the pain he must experience because of my lack of love for him. He forgives me no matter what I do because he wants the best for me and was willing to sacrafice his own life so that I might not burn but turn.
Some days I think I have forgiven the man who has killed my cousin, but honestly I do have some days where forgiveness is just not a word that can be found in my lexicon. I guess it all comes down to endless love.